Category Archives: blog

Accepting vs. rescuing a child

“I really struggle between showing acceptance vs. being ‘too understanding’ and therefore feeding anxiety”

Firstly lets look at acceptance. What does it mean ? When I talk about acceptance , I am talking about zero anger or disappointment to a child. I am referring to accepting that they are doing their best in this moment and that their current behaviour is a way of expressing their emotions or trying to get something that they believe is going to make them feel happier.

Instant gratification is not the way to happiness. Sometimes children (just like us) believe that if we can get this thing right now- I will be happy. But I have come to learn there are 3 things that create real, long lasting happiness. They are:

  1. Feeling loved and accepted
  2. Being loving and kind to others
  3. Being responsible for our choices and our own life

So when speaking to a child, acceptance of how they feel would look like no anger.

If they didn’t want to go to a party for example, acceptance would look like.

“That’s ok that you feel this way. Mommy loves you. I am right here. You are lovable. Let’s look at all of your choices.”

When a child remembers they are loved AND that they have choices- they feel less afraid.

This therefore wouldn’t be reinforcing fear in the child or stunting their growth – it would simply be accepting that right now they feel afraid and helping them through that fear to calm (self-regulation).

This is what loving and teaching a child looks like. We can help children become resilient by accepting them and by reminding them of the truth that they have nothing to be afraid of AND by reminding them of their autonomy (choices).

It is never loving to hold a child back, agree to everything that they want or say, or not stretch them through challenging situations.

Firstly we always need to ask ourselves- am I being accepting in this moment? Does my tone and my words sound accepting? Am I angry?

This is where it begins. Then we can help a child remember the truth and self regulate.

Why building your child’s self-love and acceptance is the door way to that thing called confidence

parentMany parents would love for their child to feel more confident and over the last 7 years it is the main thing that parents come to me for- how to help their child feel more confident.

What I have come to realise is that confidence is simply this- loving yourself.

Confidence is when an adult or a child feels so completely connected to who they really are; they naturally feel comfortable to show it to the world.

And this is where self-love comes into play.

The best way I feel a parent can help their child to build this self-love muscle is through doing the work themselves.

 After all children simply copy what parents demonstrate in their own lives?

Self-acceptance and self-love can literally just mean being easy on yourself; knowing that you are doing the best that you can in this given moment.

Knowing that if you knew any different or better that you would be doing it now. Knowing that many of your own limitations were just beliefs and fears passed down to you from your parents and teachers and don’t actually belong to you.

Getting in tune with yourself and loving yourself a little more can be the difference between your child cultivating this or not.

A simple top tip for beginning the self-love journey:

Place your hands on each part of your body from your head all the way down to your toes (while trying your best not to break out into the classic ‘head, shoulders, knees and toes…knees and toes…) and say out loud or in your mind “I love and accept myself”

Simple as that. I love and accept myself. I love and accept myself.

This activity can even be done with children and will really demonstrate to them what self-love is and how important it is.

Confidence IS NOT being loud and proud. Confidence is just loving yourself enough to be yourself.

Keep being uniquely you.

To your wellbeing

Love Jen xx

To learn how to increase your child’s self-love and acceptance on a deep, subconscious level go to and delve in to this simple program that will teach you the 2 min process to do at bedtime to build your child’s self-love and confidence tonight as they sleep; resolving many behaviours and symptoms such as bedwetting, fear of the dark, lack of confidence, attachment, anxiety and much more.

The Gift

The Gift - Sleeptalk for Children - Joanne Goulding

5 year old boy-Parent resolved child’s habitual cough

Case history for a 5 year old boy-Parent resolved child’s habitual cough

Child Coughing7th February 2012

I met with Mr and Mrs B in February 2012 in relation to their 5 year old son who at the time had a habitual cough.

The cough was believed to be in relation to anxiety and personal confidence and parents ruled out any allergies or medical conditions after tests and medical advice from their GP who advised it was possibly anxiety related.

B was using an inhaler for asthma and was taking vitamins.

B’s Mum spoke about B’s habitual behaviours such as chewing of clothes, smelling hands and more recently a persistent cough that teachers were noticing at school as were B’s peers. It was something that was causing anxiety and upset for parents and was very obvious at school and at home.

Mum and Dad said that B was quite irrational at times and was tearful and would rage when upset.

I spoke with parents at the end of March and B’s teacher had said that B had had a good term, the cough had decreased and that she had noticed improvements whilst in the classroom.

During the Easter holidays parents reported that the cough was minimal.

B then started back to school and the weekend prior to going back to school the cough had returned.

To note- the process was stopped over the Easter holidays as parents went away on holiday and were unable to fit the technique in with routine.

I advised that behaviour may have reverted as the process had stopped for two weeks. (This is due to the fact that it is recommended to follow the process for a minimum of 3 months to change the negative self beliefs to positive’s within the subconscious part of the brain) and with this in mind it was suggested to continue with the basic foundation words for a further two weeks until we had seen improvements in the cough again for us to then move onto the support stage where we would add specific words for B to the foundation words.

Parents had also had a consultant check up prior to their holiday abroad and B had been weaned off the inhaler that he was on and all allergies had been tested and it was shown that there were no food allergies, milk allergies and no environment allergies.

Mum was advised by Doctor that it was possibly anxiety related and that B would grow out of it.

17th April 2012

I met with B’s Mum mid April and there had been a further improvement again in the cough within the two weeks of delivering the foundation words again.

Mum reported that the cough had decreased again and commented that they had watched a program on television the week prior and couldn’t hear it as B was coughing so much through it. One week later they watched the same program with ease as B’s cough had decreased.

Other things that were reported by Mum were that B was now more receptive to going to other children’s houses to play, talking more expressively and displaying through words that he was able to rationalise more in his mind.

B was also happy to read with more confidence and was applying himself more in his studies.

The behaviour of hand smelling had stopped in the first 6 weeks and although B was still having outbursts they were more stable than they had been before.

We decided on the support words to add to the foundation words.

22nd May 2012

I spoke with B’s Mum to check progress and Mum reported that she couldn’t remember the last time that B had coughed.

It was recommended to continue with the process for a further two months.

This case history has been shared with parent’s full permission.

Why baby steps are important as you make changes to your wellbeing

Feet WalkingWe are all so great at being hard on ourselves! Who does that belong to really? Is it your parents stuff or someone else’s you’ve picked up along the way?

I know we teach what we need to learn ourselves and this is oh so true for me. Let’s all be a little kinder to ourselves.

When we know that we want to make some lifestyle changes we can get so overwhelmed when we look at what needs to be done.

I know for myself when I began to cut wheat and gluten out of my diet and looked at what I had to now do in order to make replacements in my diet, it was really easy to get overwhelmed.

What I have come to realise over time is that ONE baby step of change WILL lead to other small changes and that each and every one does count.

For instance I have now made friends with my slow cooker and began to make some gorgeous meals with protein and vegetables and this makes me feel organised as well as healthy.

I also loved the creativity of dicing the different vegetables up and cooking something up literally. I was so free with it and just threw in whatever I fancied. Yum yum.

So don’t use overwhelm as a block to your new desired wellbeing.

Everywhere where you feel that you have to make all your changes now today and if you don’t then it isn’t going to lead you to where you want to go- will you bring all of that energy and belief up and let that go? Now? Yes?

Thank you J Take a deep breath and state that you let that goooooooooo.

Tune into yourself and ask right now- what is the ONE thing that I can do now to lead me towards…(insert here whatever your desire is i.e. Better health/more energy/ better skin etc etc.)

Your body knows what it needs so just be still and listen.

You may hear a subtle whisper of “Take a walk” or “Cook some soup” or “add some spices to your meal” or “be still”.

Trust that this one step is leading you towards your desire of better health and wellbeing.

Note for parents – everything that you learn for yourself will be energetically picked up by your child whether you realise or not. They see everything you do and every feeling you have. The more you can be easier on yourself and make baby steps towards improved wellbeing the more they will learn to be gentler on themselves too.

 Enjoy your baby step.

 To your wellbeing


Jen xx